The Cat got my tongue

Yep, that's what I'm claiming happened. The cat got my tongue and that's why I haven't posted anything here since January. I became one of those bloggers I hate--just disappeared for awhile with no explanation. In my defense, I have thought about a post a million times. I've had time, opportunity even. My problem was the direction I want to take this blog. Do I write about the things I really need to write about--the frustrations with my body, the irritations with my son's teachers, the crap at work (which isn't so much of an issue anymore) or do I leave it the kid blog? Hubby has issues with divulging too much family info. I, on the other hand, would really love some more feedback and think that I could really connect with others out there if I could only... explain/unload/vent. I have come to love several blogs and really connect with the women writers. They say what they want (I'm sure with some reservations like the rest of us on just how much to share) but when you get an audience that appreciates and identifies with what you are saying, it does wonders to your own feelings. Validation is something everyone needs.

We deal with some real tough issues at our house. When things get rough, I tend to wall myself back into a corner and stay there until it's safe to come out. A horrible defense mechanism taught by my mother, the ostrich. I lock my mind up and don't let it out. I deal with only the bare minimum in daily life to get by, or until I am forced to come back to reality. Unfortunately by then, the depression has taken a foothold and the downward spiral continues.

This is not the type of person I am suppose to be. This is not who I am. This is definitely not where I wanted to be in life--career-wise. If it weren't for my hubby and family, things would really be shit.

For now, I decided to just get a post up. Get some pictures up and see where it takes me. The thought of keeping up with another blog just doesn't sound appealing. I will have to carefully think how to tackle some of the subjects I'd like to blog about. Stay along for the ride. Comment if you can. It might be good for all of us.

Locking it down

It's time to lock the blog. If you read now and want to be considered to continue to read, send me an e-mail. I'm going to leave this up so anyone who does read will be able to send me an e-mail. After a week or so, I'm locking it down and you'll need a password to enter

Thanks

Now that I've posted pics...

here's a little more catching up to do.

I'm only able to type because my left arm is numb from the cortisone shot I got from the Dr. today. It's wasn't actually a cortisone shot--it was something else, but I couldn't tell you what now because I was too busy mentally freaking out when I saw the size of the needle the Dr. was bringing towards me. She had to inject it right into the joint in my shoulder. Let me just say, it FREAKING HURT. Anyone who knows me in real life, knows that I take plenty of shots daily for my diabetes and Rheumatoid Arthritis. Shots don't really scare me anymore. But this one did. Maybe it was because I was already in major pain. Maybe it was because I've never had one of these kinds of shots before. Or, maybe it was because I am just a little freaked out by the last few days' events. Let me rewind.

Tuesday, I started experiencing significant pain in my shoulder that really made my entire arm hurt. I went to bed that night but didn't get much sleep. Wednesday wasn't any better. I'm at work trying to type and work and my arm just kept getting worse and worse. The shoulder pain was really intense and my arm felt numb and cold. Finally, I realized that the color in my hand looked bluish/purplish. I asked my supervisor for her opinion and she was a little shocked by the color and how cold my entire arm felt. It was as if the circulation was cut off or something.

I figured it was a joint problem so I called my Rheumatologist. She quickly informed me it could be a heart attack because apparently (as I did not know) a cold and numb arm that hurts are classic signs of a heart attack. I knew about the pain, but wasn't aware that the arm could be cold and numb too.

I begrudingly went to the ER. I picked a good day though--never had faster service. :) I was in and out in 1 1/2 hrs!! The EKG was fine and the ultrasound showed no blood clots....the other fear. I was sent home with a nice prescription of Percocet and orders to see my Dr. today.

I hate percocet. It makes me feel weird. Very weird and unfortunately, it didn't help my pain at all. Just made me feel weird. How do people get hooked on that stuff anyway? Is feeling weird that much better?? I don't think so.

Of course, my arm isn't blue today and it's not cold either. Of course the day you see your specialist, it's not doing the crazy things it was doing yesterday. At least the ER Dr and nurses saw my cold blue arm yesterday and can attest to the fact that I'm not crazy. My Dr. hopes the shot will kick in and help, the lidocaine is helping the pain but that will wear off and hopefully the other stuff will help. If not, I get to go back for an MRI.

Oh, there's also the possibility that it could be Reynaud's Syndrome ---I don't even want to go there. You have to have the symptoms several times before they diagnose you with that, so it's too soon to tell if that's a contender.

I had to come home from work because I can't type fast, can't sit at the computer in a typing position all day and mentally--I'm just pretty upset right now.

Why can't I just be normal?

Mom--Look at me!

Famous last words. I know.

But when I turned around to look, this is what I saw. Gosh, I hope she never decides to dye her hair blonde.

How much snow does it take to cancel school?

The answer...not much, in southern IN anyway. It drives me crazy the way people act when they see a snowflake down here. Ice is one thing, but a snow covered road. PUH-leeaze! I guess growing up near Chicago has hardened me or made me fearless or made me too dumb to be scared to drive in snow. Here's a picture showing our first measurable snow for winter and yes, school was cancelled that day. (Monday, Jan. 19)

You can still see the GRASS!!!

Regardless, Allison was extremely excited to get dressed up in her warm clothes and go outside to play in the snow.

Birthday party fun

As most of you know, Allison's b/day falls on Christmas Eve. We had a few family members over to celebrate the day with her, but for obvious reasons we didn't get together with friends. We decided to combine birthday celebrations with my nephew and neice whose b/days are Jan. 1 and Jan. 3, respectively. It may make it more difficult on everyone to buy gifts for our kids this way, I don't know. None of our kids needed anymore gifts after Christmas that was for sure. I'm still trying to organize the kids' toys and find places for all of them. Thought I would just post a few pictures from the party at Pump it Up--I think the adult kids have just as much fun as the little kids. :)

Each kid had their own cake--we felt it was important to at least give them their own cake--plus, the leftovers (and there were plenty) were yummy. Allison's, of course, was Disney princess.

A few favorite shots from Christmas

Santa brought Cole an HO scale steam engine!! Woo-Hoo!
Thought this was cute of the two of them sitting together without either one trying to antagonize the other...