Sick and tired of being sick and tired

It sucks when your sick in the summer and it seems that I have a knack for it. I have been sick for a week now and it is wearing me down. I have been running a fever all day and it feels like this huge weight is on my chest making it difficult to breathe. Having RA makes me so susceptible to getting sick because my immune system is shit. It is frustrating having a cold last longer than normal or worse, having it go into pneumonia. I started to get sick last weekend while at our local Relay for Life event. I was extremely exhausted and just knew that something was coming. I was covering the event for the paper and was also trying to participate. I didn't do much walking this year---I just couldn't catch my breath. Never mind the fact that it was hotter than hell outside last weekend. As the week wore on, the symptoms did too.

I am just miserable. and bitchy. That always makes for a fun atmosphere with hubby.

I took Thurs. and Fri. off to spend time with the kids and do fun stuff. I had thoughts of going to the local pool, doing some outside projects around the house, cleaning up some things and doing some fun painting projects with the kids...none of which happened. I just hate being sick and tired all of the time and it seems to be the norm moreso than not. I have had a 4-day weekend shot to hell because of this cold/respiratory thing (that I am sure is pneumonia) and it pisses me off that I did not get to do the things I wanted to do with my kids. No bike rides, no working in my flowers, no making cookies.

I am not feeling sorry for myself --I just am extremely frustrated. Staying healthy is just not something I can do. I often think I should just suck it up, join the Y again and swim to gain some strength and maybe I won't be so sore all the time. I have always liked to ride bikes with the kids in the past but this year, riding a bike is extremely painful on my hands and knees. My right hand is becoming more and more impossible to use---especially writing. Friends and family just don't seem to understand the daily struggles. It is a struggle to get out of bed every day and get started in the morning with joints that don't work.

I know I have to work because of our insurance, but sometimes I think I should just throw in the towel and try for disability so that I can have a few good years having fun with my kids while growing up. Right now, I put every ounce of energy into surviving at work so that I can keep my job. There is very little energy left when I get home. My house is never clean enough, there is never enough laundry done and there is always something to do that I can't seem to do.

Can't stop coughing and time for more medicine. Got stories to write tonight for tomorrow's deadline and it's going to be a long night at this point.....